I am more. I am more than this debilitating madness, this depression, that takes control of my mind. I am more than these thoughts that scare me. These thoughts of mine that dying is a possible alternative to this emptiness. That I and everyone around would be better off if something happened to me. I am more than this broken brain, that gets me thinking that harming myself or even the kids could be a good idea. I am more than this dark house, with the curtains drawn and the dog curled up in my lap keeping me as calm as he can. I am more than this closed off room, that keeps me safe from a judging thoughtless society, who make me think and feel that I am broken. I am more than this darkness…This deep empty hole, that smothers me out of nowhere. I am more than this fake facade I put on for everyone around me. I am more than the absolute anger and meanness this madness creates in me. I am more than this crippling anxiety that keeps me up at night. That makes my mind move and bend like a contortionist before stretching. I am more than the shaking, sweating, heart pounding panic that attacks me out of nowhere. I am more than societies small mindedness.
I am more because I need help and I seek help. I am more because I’m not afraid to be vulnerable. I am more because I need medication to function, and I am more for not hiding within the walls of my safe place. I am more for being vocal about this madness that I know doesn’t just affect me, but my family and my relationships. I am more for accepting and being comfortable with the fact that I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. And I am more for persevering to find happiness and love and friendships and family. I am more because I will always work, and I will always fight, and I will always win. I am more.
©Ginnie Coleman Photography, 2017