I am more.  I am more than this debilitating madness, this depression, that takes control of my mind.  I am more than these thoughts that scare me.  These thoughts of mine that dying is a possible alternative to this emptiness.  That I and everyone around would be better off if something happened to me.  I am more than this broken brain, that gets me thinking that harming myself or even the kids could be a good idea.  I am more than this dark house, with the curtains drawn and the dog curled up in my lap keeping me as calm as he can.  I am more than this closed off room, that keeps me safe from a judging thoughtless society, who make me think and feel that I am broken.   I am more than this darkness…This deep empty hole, that smothers me out of nowhere.  I am more than this fake facade I put on for everyone around me.  I am more than the absolute anger and meanness this madness creates in me.  I am more than this crippling anxiety that keeps me up at night.  That makes my mind move and bend like a contortionist before stretching.  I am more than the shaking, sweating, heart pounding panic that attacks me out of nowhere.  I am more than societies small mindedness. 

I am more because I need help and I seek help.  I am more because I’m not afraid to be vulnerable.  I am more because I need medication to function, and I am more for not hiding within the walls of my safe place.  I am more for being vocal about this madness that I know doesn’t just affect me, but my family and my relationships.  I am more for accepting and being comfortable with the fact that I suffer from severe depression and anxiety.  And I am more for persevering to find happiness and love and friendships and family.  I am more because I will always work, and I will always fight, and I will always win.  I am more.

 

 

©Ginnie Coleman Photography, 2017

 

 

We are always looking for that one perfect picture, but the true perfect picture is the one that makes it seem as if that moment in time is happening all over again.